I went to the door for a delivery tonight, and saw 2 homeless folks waiting on the sidewalk to talk to me or come to the door, etc…I’m walking this weird line between being super suspicious and getting ready to be “man of the house” or run upstairs to get left overs to feed hungry bellies.
I can’t figure out the balance and I’m terrible at both extremes. I’d already battled a parade of homeless folks today and decided to just shut the door and lock it instead of engaging.
Hours later, I check the front, watch the cameras, and safely decide to walk down the sidewalk to get today’s mail. I step outside the door to a handwritten note from “J” (see below) but he essentially thanks me for allowing him to use our patio outlet to charge his phone and left me $5 to cover his part.
And of course, because I can never manage the balance of being a bad ass equipt for the city or the soft-hearted country girl, I started crying ugly crocodile tears… (Because even though I joke about having “badass Betty” as my alter ego, I still have a really soft heart).
I thought about how it might have been to actually talk to him, and offer more help than an outdoor outlet, and felt terrible for closing the door in a moment that could have mattered to him (and me).
But it’s an impossible mission. I know this. I’m aware that engaging is dangerous, but every now and then I encounter a soul that’s not too different from me. They’ve just had a little bad luck and a few curve balls to put them in a different scenario than mine.
So “J” –I’m sure you’re not surfing FaceBook right now, but if we ever meet again, I’d really love to chat with you and apologize for shutting the door in your face when you were trying to be nice, and thank me for something I’d never have even noticed or been charged extra for. (I know that’s not proper grammar)
Sometimes the balance between safety and humanity is super gray. I don’t think I’ll ever master it. But I’m thankful to have a sense of goodness in the form of a handwritten note on my front door, from a random stranger who thought he should compensate us for charging his phone on our patio.
“J” I certainly hope our paths cross again. XOXO
The good stuff 
Julie….this is me in Haiti all the time! A beautiful little child all dirty and in tattered clothes will come up to me and say….”I hungree, I hungree” and my heart turns to mush! So hard to know what to do…
Ugh. It’s so heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how much harder that would be to see a child vs an adult… I know we can’t save everyone, but sometimes feels like the starfish story, too, and it could matter for just one person to feel compassion. I love you!
I love your writing, and it’s absolutely human to need to shut out the world and then feel the guilt associated with that choice. You help when you can, and when you cannot, it’s ok. I hope that you do get to cross paths as long as his “angry girlfriend” doesn’t bring drama. xoxo
You’re the sweetest. Thank you for reading and for the levity you always provide. Miss you! Xoxo
Oh this made me cry! But you are such a good soul Julie. I know you will get another opportunity.